Porn - the Musical
Musical in 2 Acts. Book by Boris Cezek, Malcolm Galea, Kris Spiteri, Abigail Guan; Music by Boris Cezek, Kris Spiteri, Lyrics by Boris Cezek, Kris Spiteri, Malcolm Galea, Abigail Guan
Theatre 503, London. Previews from: 06 Apr 2010; opening night: 20 Apr 2010; closed: 01 May 2010
First performed on the 6th March 2009 at the Centre of the Mediterranean Institute Theatre Programme (MITP) in Valletta, Porn the Musical was staged again for a weeklong run at Argotti Gardens in July 2009. A 75 minute version of the show was then staged for a full run at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2009 where it was nominated for Best New Musical.
Synopsis
When young Stefan’s happy existence on the island of Malta is shattered by his fiancée’s slutty revelation, he goes off to America in search of a new life and emigrates to LA, where he hopes to become a famous carpenter “like Harrison Ford or Jesus”.
Mugged on arrival, he is rescued by a porn princess who, in a witty send-up of a country and western number, announces: “My name is Sanddy with a double D.” What he finds in LA is an exciting group of friends in an industry that takes some getting used to.
The big-hearted Sanddy initiates Stefan into the adult-movie business, where, under the direction of one Martin Scoresleazy, he proves a fast-rising star. However, unless their latest movie turns out to be highly profitable, the studio will be shut down and so they all embark on a desperate musical adventure that has all the wide-eyed wonder of a Disney movie – but not for kids. Definitely not for kids.
The blossoming romance between Sanddy and Stefan is subject to sundry vicissitudes ranging from Martin’s financial desperation to sexually transmitted diseases.
Despite its title, there is no porn in this musical
Musical Numbers
Act 1
- Everyone in Malta is Related / So Young and yet so Slutty
- America / In the Streets of LA
- Sanddy (with a Double-D)
- Welcome to the World of Porn
- I’ve got a PhD
- Do as I Say
- Naked on a Sunday
- Many Ways to do it
- America (Reprise)
- The Kind of Girl I am
- This can’t be Good
Act 2
- Sit Down, Shut Up, and Listen
- Where the F*ck is Malta?
- I’ll Stick to you like Herpes
- I like him Anyway
- Plight of the Miscellaneous Man
- The Song where Everyone Bitches
- The Last Shot
- The Kind of Man I am (Reprise)
- You can go Home Now
Characters
- Stefan Bugeja -The young hero of the story starts off naïve and endlessly optimistic. He goes off to America in search of freedom and finds much more than he bargained for.
- Sanddy - A young porn star with a very promising future. Known for her sweet personality as much as for her famous double-ds; Sanddy is also a hopeless romantic and is looking for her true love.
- Martin Scoresleazy - A sleazy porn director who still believes that he will one day produce a film of historic significance. Marvin would do anything to get what he wants.
- Dr. Johnny Long - The main stud in the studio, Dr Johnny is incredibly cool and confident. He instantly takes a liking to Stefan and decides to be his mentor in the world of porn.
- Jade - Stefan’s ex-girlfriend is young and slutty. Although she is not a porn star, her morals leave a lot to be desired.
- The Miscellaneous Man -The show contains many small, dull and completely unmemorable characters that self-respecting actors usually go out of their way to avoid. The Miscellaneous Man plays them all. This guy narrates the story and is a general smart-arse.
Instrumentation
Piano, Guitar, Bass and drums