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Cover to the Original Broadway Cast Album available from amazon.com

Music by Marvin Hamlisch: Lyrics by Craig Carnelia: Book by John Guare.

Based on the novel by Ernest Lehman and the MGM/United Artists motion picture.

Martin Beck Theatre, Broadway - 14 March, 2002


Act 1

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America.

It's New York, 1952. Welcome to Broadway, the glamour and power capital of the universe. JJ Hunsecker rules it all with his daily gossip column in the New York Globe, syndicated to sixty million readers across America. JJ has the goods on everyone, from the President to the latest starlet. And everyone feeds JJ scandal, from J. Edgar Hoover and Senator Joe McCarthy down to a battalion of hungry press agents who attach their news to a client that JJ might plug. You can become no one if JJ turns on you. 

Meet Sidney Falcone, a struggling press agent whose sole client is a nowhere jazz dive, the Club Voodoo. Tony, the owner, gives Sidney an ultimatum. No item in JJ, no job. Tonight, the only customer at the Voodoo is Susan, a classy beauty, who's there to see Dallas, the hot young piano player. It's his last night before going off to play a gig in Chicago. He wants Susan to go with him. She can't. There's someone who wouldn't like it. 

Looking for a client - any client - Sidney offers his services to Dallas. Dallas laughs off Sidney's pitch. He will make it on his own. Sidney then turns to Susan and promises that, if she hires him, he'll make her a star with one mention in JJ. She doesn't bite. Sidney's taken with her but when he sees Dallas sing to Susan, he realises he hasn't a chance.

Suddenly JJ shows up at the Voodoo, knowing nothing of Dallas. He has followed Susan, furious that she walked out on him earlier at dinner at the Stork Club. Why is she in a dive like this? As Dallas moves to JJ to tell him why, Susan distracts JJ by introducing Sidney as the reason. She claims Sidney is her partner in acting class. Sidney is stunned. (He'd assumed Susan was JJ's girlfriend but finds out she's JJ's sister). Sidney goes along with the ruse. As JJ questions Sidney about his motives, Dallas slips out for Chicago. Susan's secret is safe. JJ is curious about Susan's new "friend," and invites Sidney on his nightly crawl of every hotspot in Manhattan.

JJ buys Sidney a new suit, and gets Sidney's waitress girlfriend, Rita, a job at a fancy nightspot called the Café Elysian. JJ introduces Sidney to the powerful and sinister Police Detective Kello. JJ gets Sidney clients, and urges his new friend to "keep the "O"' and change his name to Falco. Life is great! Sidney can't believe his new friendship. The life he's dreamed of is here.

Weeks later, before dawn, at St. Patrick's Cathedral, in the presence of the Almighty, it's payback time. JJ makes Sidney (the former altar-boy) swear he will follow Susan and report on all that he sees.

Susan and Dallas are in bed. Susan is in a quandary. She can't tell JJ about their romance. JJ would never accept her loving a nobody like Dallas. Dallas gives her an ultimatum. He's back from his latest gig in Philadelphia in three weeks. Tell JJ by then. Dallas says good-bye to Susan at Penn Station with an epic kiss, seen by Sidney. When Susan sees him, Sidney admits he's following her on JJ's behalf. He advises her to drop this nobody Dallas. Susan reminds Sidney how much she's helped a nobody like him. In return, she asks Sidney to take on Dallas as a secret client and make him a somebody

Susan takes Sidney home to JJ's penthouse. JJ regales Sidney with stories about Susie's childhood, their life together and how much everyone loves his little sister. Sidney, seeing how oppressive JJ's love is to Susan, feeds JJ an item about a great young piano player named Dallas Cochran who needs a break. JJ will print it. Susan is silently grateful. When Sidney leaves, JJ asks Susan to dance like they used to when she was a little girl. When she rejects him, JJ suspects Susan of seeing someone and counts on Sidney to tell him who that someone is.

Thanks to JJ's rave review, Dallas is in New York headlining at the hip Café Elysian. JJ proudly introduces Susan to his discovery, Dallas. Then he sees Susan's loving reaction. Sidney tries to hustle JJ out of the club. Tony from the Voodoo has stopped by to see Dallas's success. Tony unwittingly drops the bombshell that Susan and Dallas have been an item for a while. JJ is incensed at having been duped by Sidney. Nobody lies to JJ. Sidney is trapped.

Act 2

As Act Two opens, Sidney vows to JJ he'll clear up this Susan/Dallas thing. Clear it up? JJ insists that he break it up, or else! And Susan must never know JJ's behind it. 

Sidney tries every ploy he can think of to end the romance. Nothing works. Sidney's downfall is swift. He's blackballed from the column and loses all his clients. JJ, while pretending to be happy for Susan and Dallas, gives Sidney a deadline to demolish their relationship - by morning.

In desperation to get back in JJ's favour, Sidney tries to plant a vicious smear about Dallas in the column of a rival gossip monger, Otis Elwell. However, the repulsive Otis will only print the item for a price. Sidney realises he has "the price" at home, where Sidney's girlfriend Rita is eagerly waiting for him. Sidney shows up with Elwell. His purpose is clear. Rita is revolted that Sidney would use her like this. Sidney needs Otis's column. He's desperate. He bullies and manipulates Rita into going along with his scheme. After Otis phones in Sidney's smear, Sidney leaves them together.

The public descends on the morning edition. They revel in how the item will ruin Dallas.

JJ is hosting a charity telethon. Susan comes backstage to show JJ this lie of a smear in a rival paper, and begs JJ for help. Sidney assures Susan that JJ will. JJ is enraged. Sidney advises JJ to do what Susan wants, get Dallas his job back, then leave Dallas alone with him for five minutes. He will wind Dallas so tight that Dallas will snap and the relationship with Susan will be over. JJ admires his protégé. JJ calls the Elysian and gets Dallas reinstated, then goes on with his telethon. Sidney then reveals to Dallas how he got his career-making gig.

JJ returns in time to hear Dallas's angry disbelief at her deception. Dallas insults JJ and his column. Susan tells Dallas to leave. Sidney is triumphant. JJ tells Susan he's taking her to England for the Coronation immediately after the telethon. She agrees to go then runs after Dallas. She tries to explain that he'll never escape JJ's power. He won't be safe. 

JJ can't forget Dallas's insults. Not satisfied that Susan and Dallas have parted, JJ wants Sidney to "take Dallas apart." Sidney doesn't do stuff like that. Then JJ suggests Sidney call Lt. Kello to do it. Never. What if JJ gave Sidney his own column, what then? JJ gives him Kello's number. While JJ performs his old vaudeville routine on the telethon, Sidney calls Kello and sets Dallas up to be brutally and lethally beaten.  

Sidney informs JJ the deed is done. JJ announces to America that, while he's away in England, Sidney will write the column. Sidney is at the top.

Susan interrupts his victory. She tells him Dallas has been found. Sidney won't let her miss that boat. JJ waits impatiently at the dock. Susan refuses to get on board. She produces Rita as a witness who saw Sidney plant drugs on Dallas and signal Kello for the attack. JJ feigns shock that Sidney would do such a thing. Otis Elwell appears. Susan has called him with a story. JJ and Sidney are terrified. The story is that she and Dallas are going to marry and leave New York. Yes, Dallas is alive. Otis goes, grateful for the scoop. Susan tells JJ that he'll never see her again. If he ever comes after her, she'll tell every columnist in town what JJ and Sidney did to Dallas. "I always wondered which of your enemies would bring you down. I never dreamed it could be me." She leaves.

Sidney urges JJ to get on the boat. JJ wants Sidney to get rid of Rita. Rita knows too much. "Do it and the column is yours." Sidney rebels. Sidney will take Rita to a place where nobody ever heard of JJ. JJ smiles. No such place exists. Sidney runs. He sees the hungry press agents, desperate to get in the column, the hysterical crowds in the nightclubs, hoping for a mention from JJ. Sidney is finally free of it all when Kello and his goons appear. They surround Sidney.

JJ goes back to work, preparing his next column. The lead item announces the death of Sidney Falco in a vicious robbery. But then, Sidney would be happy, he just made today's column.

CAST (in order of appearance)

  • J.J. Hunsecker
  • Sidney
  • Susan
  • Dallas
  • Rita
  • Madge
  • Press Agent for the Blue Angel
  • Press Agent for the Empire Room
  • Congressman
  • Abigail Barclay
  • Tony
  • Billy Van Cleve
  • Pregnant Woman
  • Pepper White's Escort
  • Charlotte von Hapsburg
  • Otis Elwell
  • Lester Kello
  • Club Zanzibar Singer
  • Cathedral Soloist
  • Senator
  • Senator's Girlfriend
  • Bartender at Tony's Caprice
  • Telethon Announcer
  • Bobo
  • JJ's Vaudeville Partner
  • Press Agent
  • Press Agent for the Plaza
  • Press Agent for El Morocco

Musical Numbers

    1. The Column JJ Hunsecker, Madge, Sidney & Ensemble
    2. I Could Get You in JJ Sidney with Dallas & Susan
    3. I Cannot Hear the City Dallas
    4. Welcome to the Night JJ Hunsecker, Sidney & Ensemble
    5. Laughin' All the Way to the Bank Club Zanzibar Singer & Ensemble
    6. At the Fountain Sidney
    7. Don't Know Where You Leave Off Dallas & Susan
    8. What If Susan & Ensemble with Sidney
    9. For Susan JJ Hunsecker with Sidney & Susan
    10. One Track Mind Dallas & Ensemble
    11. Break It Up JJ Hunsecker, Sidney, Dallas, Susan & Ensemble with Madge
    12. Rita's Tune Rita
    13. Dirt Ensemble
    14. I Could Get You in JJ (Reprise) Sidney with Susan, Dallas & JJ Hunsecker
    15. I Cannot Hear the City (Reprise) Susan & Dallas
    16. Don't Look Now JJ Hunsecker & Ensemble
    17. At the Fountain (Reprise) Sidney & Ensemble
    18. Finale Sidney & Ensemble with JJ Hunsecker


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