lesbian – then she wouldn’t need men at all. She, too, had a terrible childhood. Harry listens to her but just like with Milt, claims that his childhood was even worse than hers (“Paradise II”). Ellen talks some more with Harry and asks if he is afraid of her. It seems that her wit, power of analysis, photographic, memory, etc. all make men feel threatened by her. She tells him to ask her a question – and he does. “How many states did Al Smith win in the election of 1928?” She answers him, not only knowing the number of states but also knowing which ones. As Harry prepares to go, Ellen begs him to stay. She didn’t ask to be so smart – it just happened. Plus, there is more to her than just being brilliant. She also wants to be a loving wife (“I Believe in Marriage”). She, too, is at the end of her rope. Out of her coat, she pulls a knife, which she is going to use on Milt, for she knows that he is seeing another woman. Instead, she raises the knife to her chest, and when Harry intervenes, she tries to kill him, eventually stopping herself; she is simply out of her mind! Harry has her look out at the river to see how warm and inviting it appears. He, too, wants to end it all – he’s a “dead man.” Ellen asks him, “What about love?” The hope for it is inside all of us. She takes his hand and puts it on her breast, asking if he can feel the desire. He suddenly feels it. Yes, he feels it! She tells him to sing, and they both do – realizing that they have now found something more by finding one another (“Somebody”). Harry and Ellen dance together quite romantically, and after a bit of difficulty, Harry confesses to Ellen that he loves her. Harry can’t believe that he is in love. Ellen, not quite sure if this love is real, wants to find a way where the two of them can test their love. Acting on an impulse, Harry stomps on her foot and then promptly asks her if she still loves him. Walking to him with a pronounced limp, she confesses that she does indeed love him still. Ellen then punches Harry in the stomach – to test his love for her – and finds that he does! He loves her until the end of time. They continue to test each other. Harry rips her dress. Ellen undoes his belt so that his pants fall to the ground. Harry even takes her mink coat and throws it over the bridge railing. She still agrees that she loves him. However, Ellen decides that the ultimate proof of his love would be if Harry jumped off of the bridge. He prepares to jump (“Yes, Yes, I Love You”). Suddenly, Milt runs on and tries to stop Harry. Ellen tells Milt that Harry and she are actually in love. At first, Milt is upset that his friend would “steal” his wife behind his back. Ellen steps in and asks Milt to understand, and eventually he does (“Finale – Act I”). Harry and Ellen run off together. Mission accomplished! Now, Milt pulls out a picture of Linda and runs off joyously to find her. Act Two Ellen is leaning on a lamppost in a world-weary pose. Smoking a cigarette, she sits down on a bench to read. Suddenly, Milt, who has been lying on the other side of the bench, pops up. It has been a year since they’ve seen each other, when she ran off with Harry. Is she happy? For his benefit, she fakes that the last year has been great (“What a Life”). She is Harry’s wife, and everything appears to be great! The same is true for Milt... or so it seems. Linda has brought out an erotic side in him that he never knew existed. Finally, he breaks down and confesses that he’s depressed, because Linda has not turned out to be what he thought. She’s put on forty pounds in six months and is even growing a moustache. Eventually, Milt breaks down and begins to sob. What’s worse, is that he didn’t even get the chance to end the marriage; Linda walked out on him. Milt suddenly confesses that he has actually fallen in love again. Ellen laughs at this hysterically; however, Milt simply pulls out a picture of his new love and proceeds to tell of his undying devotion (“Lady”). He finally shows the picture to Ellen – it’s a picture of her! After spinning her around madly in his arms, she ultimately becomes putty – until she catches herself and tells him that it is too late. She is Harry’s wife now, and there is nothing more that they can do! Milt presses her to say that she really does love Harry, but she can’t say the word; in actuality, Harry is driving her crazy. She often thinks about what it would be like if Harry stopped being (“If Harry Weren’t Here”). Finally, Milt and Ellen end up in each other’s arms and are kissing passionately. What can they do now, with Harry in the picture? If Harry were to kill himself, though, that would be okay – wouldn’t it? It wouldn’t be murder, since he tried to kill himself one year ago; it was Milt who stopped him. Milt and Ellen hide as they hear Harry entering, talking to his little paper bag that he wears over his head to use as a sort of security blanket. Harry talks to the bag and tells it that it’s time that he stands on his own and faced the world without anything standing in the way. However, just as he is about to throw
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