Budgie dodges an encounter with Khan and pauses outside the hospital to consider his plight. He encounters Leo King, the well-heeled Soho bookmaker. King is in a state of mild shock, having just been given the news that his young wife has lost their first child in maternity. Budgie, ever an eye for the main chance, tells King that he can help him out by providing a substitute baby (Inga's) that King and his wife may pass off as their own. King departs, heartened. Hazel enters and questions Budgie's proposed visit to Inga. She assumes that Budgie is the father of Inga's baby. As Hazel exits, Inga appears on an iron-wrought balcony and is delighted at the proposition put forward by Budgie. But Budgie does not tell Inga that there is money to be had from King. In the Soho streets, on a quiet Sunday morning, Inga's baby is duly handed over, by Budgie, to Mr & Mrs King. Budgie not only picks u p a cool £1000 for the baby, he also sells King the idea of holding a celebratory party in Poppy's Club. Budgie gives Hazel the good news that they are to host a "toffs" party in the club and hands her a fistful of notes to treat herself to a new dress. Hazel's delight is short-lived, She meets up with Inga and Jean in the Bella Napoli Restaurant - both of them have different ideas about Budgie's new-found wealth. At the Poppy's Club shindig, King is well-pleased at first at all of Budgie's efforts on his behalf. But things soon begin to get out of hand. Both Jean and Inga gatecrash the party and lambaste Budgie. Khan also arrives to wreak his revenge. Bryant and Leadbetter turn up to add to the confusion. It is left to Charlie to sort out everything to everyone's satisfaction - with the exception of Hazel who announces her intention of leaving Budgie. As he comes out of Poppy's Club and into the empty Soho Street, Budgie encounters an angry Laughing Spam who has been ordered by Charlie to punish him for past misdemeanours. Laughing Spam smacks Budgie hard. Budgie, alone and friendless, considers an empty future. Hazel arrives and the two embrace and have each other at least. As Hazel goes off to prepare their supper, Budgie takes on his barker's duties again. Life goes on as always in Strip Alley. Keith Waterhouse & Willis Hall CAST: • Budgie Bird - small-time thief • Charlie Endell - Soho's porn-king • Maurice Khan - a psychopathic villain • Detective-Inspector Bryant - a bendable copper • Detective-Constable Leadbetter - an upright one • Hazel - Budgie's live-in girlfriend • Laughing-Spam • Jean - Budgie's estranged nymphomaniac wife • Connie • Inga - a heavily pregnant stripper • Wossname - A barker • Leo King - A Soho Turf-Accountant • Inga - a stripper on maternity leave • Fifi, Lulu, Helga - Soho strippers MUSICAL NUMBERS: 1. They're Naked and They Move (Budgie, Laughing Spam Fritter, Wossname & Company) 2. Thank You Mr Endell (Charlie, Budgie, Laughing Spam Fritter, Wossname, Fifi, Lulu, Helga). 3. There Is Love and There Is Love, (Budgie) 4. If You Want To See Palermo Again (Laughing Spam Fritter, Luigi, Rinaldo, Giuseppe). 5. In One Of My Weaker Moments (Hazel)
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