Conkus dedicates the new chariot way to the Divine Vespasiana, a Roman engineer who invented the Taurus Soporens (a bulldozer). Conkus cuts the ribbon and declares the chariot way open. Conkus is ready to make the inaugural trip to Carlisle. Agircola tries but cannot stop Conkus from heading to Carlisle. Agricola decides there's no point in fighting Conkus, he knows he is going to be reprimanded or demoted when Conkus returns. Instead, Agricola heads to Ramsbottom to visit the Roman's Return, leaving behind hungry Roman aristocrats who are unhappy with Britannia's food and customs. They all leave to dine. Parsimonious and Acrimonius stay behind to discuss Agricola. They dislike him and are convinced Conkus will have him fired after his inaugural trip to Carlisle. Enter Baloni, Virgil, and Momma, looking for Agricola. Parsimonius and Acrimonius approach Baloni and tell him where to find Agricola. Baloni, Momma and Virgil discuss their plans to change Britannia ("Welcome Britannia") They leave for Ramsbottom. Enter Conkus. His chariot has crashed into the side of the Roman's Return and he has broken his nose. He is furious and vows to demolish the pub, and the people inside of it, with the Taurus Soporens. Parsimonius and Acrimonius promise to help. ACT II We are now at the Roman's Return in Ramsbottom, Britannia. The pub is packed with locals. Behind the bar is Gracie, the barmaid, and her mother, the landlady, Annie Trotter. Accrington Stanley, the drunk local comic, is singing a bar song. When Stanley is finished singing, the locals ask Gracie to sing. She sings of her love for Agricola. Enter Jack Trotter, the landlord and Gracie's father, carrying a crate of beer. He lets everyone know the cloggers will be arriving soon. Today is the day they are competing for the Lancashire cup. Not a moment later, Agricola shows up. Gracie and Agricola flirt and then Agricola begins to mingle. Albert and Victoria, the two youngest Trotter children, run into the bar. They claim they can hear a terrible noise coming from the moor and they believe it to be the Taurus Soporens. Annie and Jack do not believe them. Offstage, cheering is heard. The Cloggers are back and they have won the Lancashire cup. They order a round of drinks and do the celebratory "Nut Dance". The door of the pub opens and in comes Baloni, Virgil, and Momma. Baloni approaches Agricola and offers to pay for the expenses of building various chariot ways under one condition; Momma gets to keep the Roman's Return and turn it into an Italian Restaurant. All in the pub are outraged. They kick Baloni, Virgil, and Momma out of the pub. Agricola realizes just who Baloni is and prides himself for saving the pub and all of Britannia from becoming mixed up in Sicilian mafia affairs. Albert and Victoria run back into the pub, insisting they are still hearing sounds from the moor. They can also see lights flashing. Enter Ingenious and Scandalus, two Roman soldiers. They have come to tell Agricola that Conkus, Parismonius and Acrimonius are on their way with the Taurus Soporens to destroy the pub and all of its inhabitants. Agricola concocts a plan and assigns the locals various tasks. Agricola and Gracie share a private moment together, fearing that they will be separated. They decide to wait for one another if they are separated and one day run their own pub together. Baloni, Virgil, and Momma are walking back to Messina. They are miserable in Britannia and begin to hitchhike. Enter Parsimonius and Acrimonius. They are headed to the Roman's Return with Conkus the Taurus Soporens. Baloni, Virgil, and Momma decide to follow...it's revenge! ACT III Back at the Roman's Return, the locals are ready for action. Some are keeping watch on the roof of the pub while others hold a rope, which will, eventually, release the great "hairnet device". Agricola comments on the beauty of the moors. In the distance, the sound of the Taurus Soporens is heard. The locals have concocted their own plan as well. The Cloggers perform the, planning to "clog up" the wheels of the Taurus Soporens with tripe (fish). Conkus, Parsimonius, Acrimonius, Baloni, Virgil, Momma, a league of Roman Soldiers, and the Sicilian Brotherhood head for the pub with the Taurus Soporens. Fortunately, the bulldozer is caught in the tripe and the soldiers begin to slip. At this moment, the locals release the large hairnet they have created, ensnaring the invaders. Agricola vows to protect the heritage of Britannia and finish the road to Carlisle by building the Ramsbottom By-pass. Agricola decides to keep the Taurus Soporens in hope of building more chariot ways with it. Baloni offers to buy it from Agricola, in hopes of building his own roads. Agricola
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